☆ the vorkosigan saga psl post, volume 3

[runawayballista]

welcome to hell

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[vorbratta]

[ she ignores the question. he'll repeat it, she's sure. he's relentless in his own way. ]

Then why did you let me hit you the first time?

[vorrutyer]

[ He presses a hand to his heart and says, mockingly: ]

It would be dishonorable to hit a princess.

[vorbratta]

As if you have any honor left.

[ it's a weak insult, and she knows it won't faze byerly -- he'll probably just laugh at it. but she doesn't take her eyes off him, because he only half-answered the question. it's not the half she wants. so she just repeats: ]

Why did you let me hit you?

[ he could have stopped her at any point. she knows that. he's bigger, stronger -- probably isn't much for fighting, but you don't need to be just to push someone down. ]

[vorrutyer]

[ His lips thin just a bit. ]

What should I have done instead? Hit you back? Why are you pursuing this?

[vorbratta]

You could've stopped me. You wouldn't even have to hit me.

[ she could get up off the cot, walk toward him and see if he recoils again -- god, she thought that kind of thing was something only olivia was capable of -- but she doesn't move, drawing her knees up to her chest. she stares at byerly, eyes dry but her stomach is clenching all the same. ]

Did you want me to?

[vorrutyer]

[ He doesn't quite meet her eyes. ]

Have you ever been hit, Sonia? It's not a pleasant experience.

[vorbratta]

[ she doesn't answer that at first. then: ]

Yes.

[vorrutyer]

[ For just a moment - a split second - his eyes flicker. ]

When?

[vorbratta]

[ she sees that flicker. she wants to see it again. ]

Which time?

[vorrutyer]

Multiple times, then.

[vorbratta]

[ she still hasn't taken her eyes off him. ]

Yes.

[vorrutyer]

[ And there's more of that flicker. A fierceness behind the bored mask. Though his good sense reasserts itself. ]

Well, that's not any of my business. In the past now, I suppose.

[vorbratta]

For now.

[ she doesn't think byerly would hit her. no, she believes that, at least. but most of the people who ever hit her -- they were trying to kill her, or take her. but she's already taken here, and byerly has no interest in killing her. no, she saw that flicker again. she can't just be imagining it. she hugs her pillow, resting her chin on it. ]

I told you I don't want to talk to you.

[vorrutyer]

[ Thank god she doesn't press the issue. If she did -

Well.

He gives a huge sigh. ]

That's perfectly grand, but not an option that's open to you. You are a prisoner here.

[vorbratta]

[ and then sonia actually smiles, just for a second -- tired and grim and fuck you, that's all it says. ]

And what are you going to do if I don't? Hit me?

[vorrutyer]

[ Just with the slightest hint of tension: ]

I'm not hitting you.

[vorbratta]

Not you, no. But the guards?

[ she's just being mean now, because she can, because she's tired and hurt beyond all measure, in a way she doesn't even how qualify. that flat look wavers, weakens as she huddles on the cot, blanket around her shoulders. ]

So how do you think you'll make me talk, then?

[vorrutyer]

[ He takes a breath in, tries to recover his confidence. ]

Well. I think you want to talk to me.

[vorbratta]

[ sonia's brows draw town. she tilts her head to the side. ]

Why would I want to talk to you, Byerly?

[ she makes his name sound -- not like a curse, but something altogether unpleasant. ]

[vorrutyer]

Because I know you like to talk.

[vorbratta]

[ she looks hurt, but there's resentment in there too, just as fierce. fuck off, byerly is on the tip of her tongue, but she swallows it back. ]

That doesn't mean I want to talk to you.

[vorrutyer]

Who else?

[ His smile is careless and arrogant. ]

Have you had anyone else to talk to? Aside from me, you're all alone here, Sonia.

[vorbratta]

[ that does sting, and it shows, and she curls around the pillow like it somehow might save her, protect her from this cruelty. ]

No. I'm just alone.

[ and lonely. desperately lonely. it's like the camp before the outsiders showed up all over again, except without her sister or count piotr or armsman gavalas or any of them, the people who kept her safe, the people who made her feel safe. dammit, no, she doesn't want to cry again. ]

[vorrutyer]

[ He pitches his voice low. ]

You don't have to be.

[vorbratta]

[ that grabs at her in a way she doesn't want to, really, really doesn't want to, but she absently clutches her pillow and looks at him. she almost manages to contain that slight falter, but not quite. ]

You make me feel more alone than an empty room. [ she stares at him. her chest feels uncomfortably tight. ] What do you think could possibly change that?