vorbratta: (stick my head out)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
[ sonia lets out a painful hiss at that -- not physical pain, although it might as well be. i was just being kind. she feels like retching. she doesn't want to give him an opening to hurt her more, so she latches onto what she thinks must be the safest thing. ]

And you expect me to believe you want me to go anywhere with you?
vorrutyer: (punchable intensity)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
[ Ah. ]

Worried about my feelings? How sweet. I just don't want to get slapped again.
vorbratta: (i'm an ordinary citizen)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
I told you I'm not going to hit you again.

[ but her stomach churns unpleasantly, and she has to swallow hard again. in a moment of weakness, one hand unclutches the pillow to rub at her mouth, her gaze dropping. ]

I can't leave Barrayar.
vorrutyer: (punchable intensity)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
Why not? You've told me yourself. You feel useless here.
vorbratta: (my heart is skipping triplets)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 04:51 am (UTC)(link)
[ her gaze snaps back up, angry and red-eyed. ]

You made me feel otherwise.

[ you made me believe otherwise is what she should have said as soon as the words slip out of her mouth. she doesn't know if this is any better or worse than when she was hitting him. ]
vorrutyer: (Backpfeifengesicht 3)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's a struggle to keep from flinching. He...manages. Somehow. ]

Temporarily, no doubt. Do you feel that way now?
vorbratta: (i'm an ordinary citizen)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 04:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ bitterly: ]

I'm useless here.
vorrutyer: (world-weary (and smug))

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
So why not run away? Anywhere. With me. Where do you want to go?
vorbratta: (is it a condition)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 04:57 am (UTC)(link)
[ she shouldn't be letting him goad her like this. it shouldn't be happening. she should be better than this, stronger than this. like her sister. like her sister who isn't anything like sonia. finally, she just bursts out: ]

I don't know!
vorrutyer: (satisfied (but smug))

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 04:58 am (UTC)(link)
Well, think about it.

[ His voice is low. Persuasive. ]

And then let me take you there.
vorbratta: (okay dolore)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 05:03 am (UTC)(link)
[ she finds it suddenly hard to swallow, her face hot. no. no. she should be immune to this by now, inoculated against it by his cruelty. she shouldn't react. she doesn't want to react. but she does despite herself, a little flicker of desperation on her face. she tries to pull herself together, scramble for her last line of defense. ]

You didn't want me then, and I don't think you really want me now, either. [ and then, for good measure, because she desperately needs it: ] Hard to believe from a man who can't even bring himself to stand within two meters of me.
vorrutyer: (god honestly what is this guy's face)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 03:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[ A...cogent observation. His lips thin for just a moment - and then, casually, indifferently, he shrugs. ]

Why would I be coming to see you if I didn't want to be with you? That doesn't make sense. You have to understand how much fondness I have for you, Sonia. You're a very beautiful woman, after all.
vorbratta: (you better be the first to run)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 03:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ color rises to her cheeks, and she hates herself for it, can't quite stop herself from covering her mouth with one hand. she stares at him, feeling dizzy again because she knows he's running her around in circles, keeping her off-balance. that's what it feels like, anyway. she tries to swallow, tries to make herself sound dignified. like her sister would. like her sister always would. but sonia isn't her sister. ]

I didn't know you treated beautiful women like lepers, Byerly.
vorrutyer: (Backpfeifengesicht)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 03:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[ A bubble of frustration builds in him, rising up alongside his misery. ]

And how are you a leper? We've touched many times, haven't we?
vorbratta: (but never on your sleeve)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 03:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[ she does flinch at that, just slightly, and she feels herself getting upset again. because byerly had sold her a fantasy once, and he's trying to sell her another one now, but she keeps telling herself it's snake oil. has to be. she looks at him -- no fear in her eyes, just hurt and desperation she tries fruitlessly to conceal.

flatly: ]


Not since you walked into this room.
vorrutyer: (haughty (and smug))

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 03:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He meets her eyes for only a moment before looking away. ]

Well. Your revulsion at the thought of me touching you rather reduced my interest in touching you. Marvelous how that works.
vorbratta: (stick my head out)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Revulsion?

[ she doesn't mean to repeat the word out loud, and it's for the best that byerly looks away, because he doesn't see the flicker of surprise on her face. angry, yes, she'd been furious and hurting and god, got more carried away than she's ever been in her life, but she didn't think he'd interpreted that as revulsion. she'd hit him, over and over again, because she was angry and hurt and byerly had goaded her into it. but it wasn't revulsion. it should have been. she wishes it was. given more time before seeing him again, maybe that spark she'd so fervently chased would have faded thoroughly.

her grip loosens on her pillow. she pushes it aside. she doesn't quite stand, not yet. ]


You think I hit you out of revulsion?
vorrutyer: (Backpfeifengesicht 3)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 03:41 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He glances down at her, momentarily uncertain and uncomfortable, before shrugging again. ]

Aren't you revolted?
vorbratta: (you better be the first to run)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 03:48 pm (UTC)(link)
[ sonia's eyes narrow for just a moment at that look on his face. the other day he'd recoiled from her after they fell, visibly, afraid of her. curiosity overtakes her, and maybe it's cruel, but any cruelty she could enact here pales in comparison to byerly's betrayal.

she pushes herself up from the cot, mindful of her sprained wrist, though it's mostly fine by now. she walks very slowly across the room, each deliberate step taking her closer to byerly. she evades the question, she refuses to answer. she doesn't think she'll have to. ]


Is that why you wanted me to hit you?
Edited 2017-03-05 15:50 (UTC)
vorrutyer: (punchable intensity)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 03:51 pm (UTC)(link)
[ His face goes a little wary. His lips tighten. He eyes her and spins out some quick, vicious lies. ]

I wanted you to hit me because I wanted you to be fully aware of what you're capable of. Tell me, Sonia, did you like yourself when you were being violent? That, dear girl, is what the Barrayarans made you. Why are you loyal to them?
vorbratta: (okay dolore)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 03:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[ she stops in her tracks, looking stricken. he might as well have delivered a blow to her chest. she has to blink back tears. dammit, she thought she'd cried herself out by now. ]

No! [ she can't control her outburst this time, her voice rising sharply. it echoes in the small room. ] No, I hated it! I hated myself, every minute of it! And I still do!

[ her breath catches and she stares at him hard, jaw tense. ]

Is that what you wanted? That I'd hate myself enough to want you again?

[ she never stopped, somehow, and she hates herself for that, too. it's impossible to forget the way he'd made her feel when he looked at her back then. ]
vorrutyer: (really fucking stressed)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He is a foul man. He is a foul, foul man. For a moment, the thought floats through his mind - he could turn on his heel right now, shed his outer garments, and walk out into the cold. Find some place to sit until it's over. He just -

I hated myself, I still do -

He doesn't want her to hate herself. He doesn't want...He wants her to hate him, he wants her to be furious and full of righteous rage. He doesn't want her to hate herself. She hasn't done anything wrong - she's only ever been good and true -

He can't help it. He flinches outright at that declaration, a deeply miserably stricken expression crossing his face. He wheels bodily, turning himself away from her and pretending to pace the room out of annoyance - truthfully, pacing until he can get himself under control again. ]


I suppose that would be a charming side-benefit. But I don't need you to want me, Sonia. All I want is for you to realize the futility of this fight, as I myself did.
vorbratta: (you better be the first to run)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 04:11 pm (UTC)(link)
[ it's impossible to miss that flinch, that look on his face. it only makes her more frustrated. she's smart, she's clever, but she doesn't know if she's smart enough to tease out truth from lies with byerly. or if there's any truth at all in here. is it all lies? was even that look on his face carefully calculated, designed to throw her into even more confusion?

she starts walking again, just as slowly, following byerly wherever he pace. she shakes her head without breaking her gaze away from his back. ]


No. [ this time her voice comes out quiet, breathy. ] No, all you did was prove yourself wrong.
vorrutyer: (Backpfeifengesicht 5)

[personal profile] vorrutyer 2017-03-05 04:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He stops. He...feels trapped by her. By her presence. ]

Wrong? In what way?
vorbratta: (a sucker says what)

[personal profile] vorbratta 2017-03-05 04:19 pm (UTC)(link)
I hate myself for what I did.

[ he stops, but she doesn't. her slow, inexorable pace doesn't stop, even if she chokes on her voice a little. ]

It wasn't something I even -- I didn't think I could do that. But I did. And if you could get that much of a rise out of -- out of some naive, foolish girl, just one betrayal of heart and honor -- if just a single person could make me want to fight that badly -- what makes you think an entire planet of bloody warriors are going to stop until they've killed or driven off every single Cetagandan on Barrayar?

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Dear god help us

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we're going to hell

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