☆ the vorkosigan saga psl post, volume 3

[runawayballista]

welcome to hell

Comments

[vorbratta]

[ sonia's quiet for a while. she's sure he won't like it. she just unwinds her arm from around his and stares at her hands in her lap. ]

They won't ever threaten you with my life. They want to keep me alive. [ for the foreseeable future, anyway. ] It's the only thing I have any control over.

[vorrutyer]

[ His hands clench uselessly in his lap. ]

That doesn't mean you'll be safe.

[vorbratta]

I'm not safe now. Neither of us are. You so much as said it yourself. I'm just as much at risk of -- anything as I was before.

[ she wants to reach for his hand, but he hardly seems comforted by her presence. but she can't quite bring herself to get up from his cot. her chest feels tight. she hates this. all the things olivia worked so hard to shield her from, and -- now she has to figure it out on her own. how to be that kind of brave. ]

There is no safety in this. No guarantee.

[vorrutyer]

Sonia - I will...cooperate with them for your safety.

[ A beat. He takes a breath and looks over at her. ]

Unless you order me to do otherwise.

[vorbratta]

[ sonia feels her breath catch in her chest. the idea that she could give byerly that kind of order, and that he would obey it, is overwhelming. it's terrifying. she wrings her hands together instead of reaching for his, desperation in her face that she'd been trying to hide before the fast-penta. before all of this had come out. ]

I just -- need you here with me. [ it's not an evasion, but she's not going to give him that order now. not...unless she really feels she has to. ] There was a grain of truth in what you said to me last time. That I'm alone here -- except for you. I don't want to be alone.