sunchime | ☆ the vorkosigan saga psl post, volume 3

Stop it. Stop.

[ Nearly as soon as he comes up from the fast-penta haze, he's fighting, pushing against them. He looks rattled, undone, hair falling over his forehead. His breath comes fast. He tries to stand up, but he's pushed down into his chair. ]

Stop, dammit -

[ But the ghem just ignores him. Instead, he returns to the prior line of questioning. First: ]

What is your name?

[ sonia's glazed look turns up at the ghem-colonel, as if she's just realizing he's there for the first time. the guard keeps a hand on her shoulder in case she tries to get up from the chair, but all she does is rub vaguely at the tear tracks on her face and sniffle even as that stupid fast-penta smile touches her chest. she sounds perfectly happy and proud to introduce herself. ]

Princess Sonia Titania Vorbarra. [ and then she adds, dazed but a little smug: ] My sister's a Countess now, so technically I'm the only princess now.

[ Byerly tries to get up from his chair again, is again forced down. His glare up at the lieutenant holding him there is venomous. Absolutely hateful.

The ghem-Colonel goes on: ]

And what is the date?

[ sonia cheerfully tells the ghem-colonel not only the date, but also the time according to the chrono on the wall behind him. she's happy to be helpful. she chatters on, unsurprisingly, already talkative enough without the fast-penta. ]

It's my birthday next week. We don't really exchange presents anymore, it's not like we have anything to exchange, but I'm pretty sure my sister is planning something. I saw her talking to Carolina and Beth a few times...oh, I hope I don't miss it. It'd be a shame to miss my own birthday party, wouldn't it?

[ she lets out a dazed giggle, as though this is an especially funny joke. ]

[ The ghem-Colonel, predictably, rolls his eyes. Byerly wipes the damp from his face and just waits, tensely.

The efficacy of the drug having been established, the man goes on: ]

Tell me about your relationship with Byerly Vorrutyer.

[ sonia's face does flicker slightly, but it's buried under the fast-penta. she hums in thought. ]

Complicated, mostly. Especially since he left... Oh, but we're friends. He was one of the first friends I made when the outsiders showed up. [ she beams at him, a horrible parody of her usual sunny smile. ] He told me I was pretty.

[ The ghem-Colonel looks unimpressed with her prettiness or her smile. ]

And tell me about what happened when he left.

[ sonia pouts at him, and it looks especially childish on her under the drug. ]

But I didn't even get to the good parts yet.

[ but she isn't uncooperative, and she slackens in the chair with a sigh, looking up at the ceiling. ]

I was so worried. He'd just up and disappeared and not even Miles knew -- but that was a lie, wasn't it?

[ she frowns for a second, but it flickers away. ]

I was so afraid he got drunk and wandered off and got lost... I looked for him everywhere I could. It was so cold, and everyone was sick... [ a bit of emotion overwhelms her, amplified by the fast-penta, and she chokes up, a note of urgency in her voice. ] I was so afraid he'd died out there. I had to find him.

And how did you feel when you learned that he was still alive?

[ Byerly clenches his jaw and snarls at the Colonel - ]

What the hell is the point of this? Sadism? I can't imagine any reason for you to care.

[ oh, but he must care if he's asking, or so sonia assumes... somewhere, deep in her, something is clawing and trying to tell her something, but it's drowned out. she looks sad, now, her expression still glazed, and her head hangs loosely from her neck. ]

I was so relieved when they told me he was safe and alive. But then they told me why he was there, all the things he'd said, all the things that proved he'd defected. Turned traitor. Abandoned me. [ her lower lip trembles. ] I cried for days. On everyone. Miles, and Tucker, and my sister, and Beth, and Wash...

[ and she'll keep on going until somebody stops her. ]

Stop.

[ The ghem-Colonel orders her firmly. Smoothly, he transitions to the next question: ]

And you had no idea that he was on Vorkosigan's mission?

[ she does stop as ordered, blinking, and then shakes her head with another, rather dramatic and melancholy sigh. ]

No. Nobody told me. My sister and Miles, they both knew when I came crying to them. They were lying the whole time.

Why did General Vorkosigan tell Countess Vorkosigan about this plan?

He tells her everything.

[ it's said in earnest, she knows it, and it comes with another little sigh, this one sort of wistful. ]

People underestimate her all the time, you know. But she's just as capable as Count Piotr and -- she's just amazing. [ she looks almost dreamy. ] I wish she didn't have to hide it behind him. But she's so Vor, she thinks it's fine. She takes on so much...I know she thinks of me as her responsibility. She does everything she can to protect me.

[ she might as well be gushing about a celebrity crush. ]

[ Bored, the ghem-Colonel orders her: ]

Stop. I don't want to hear about her. I want to hear about him. Why does he trust her?

[ sonia gives him a petulant look, slumping in her chair. everyone should want to hear about olivia all of the time, as far as she's concerned. ]

I just told you. Count Piotr might be a stuffed shirt, but he's not stupid. He knows how smart she is. And he loves her. And they're both so...Vor. They would kill each other if they had to, if it meant potential capture by Cetagandans. You, I mean.

And why would Vorkosigan have trusted Vorrutyer with this mission?

[ With an impeccable arrogance: ]

He's not one of his usual types of creature.

[ sonia actually laughs at that. cheerfully: ]

No, not at all. They both detest him.

[ she's happy to help, really wants to help, but all she can give him is a shrug with a very apologetic look -- the sort of look she'd turn on byerly or another man just to do it on purpose, but not quite, tinted something else by the fast-penta. ]

I don't know. They don't tell me anything. [ she brightens. ] Or maybe that's why. Isn't it more convincing that way?

[ The ghem does not respond to that chipper question. Instead: ]

And how do you feel about being kept out of the loop?

[ sonia pouts at first, then sighs, going fast-penta limp in her chair, the vague, vapid smile back in place. ]

Oh, I don't know. I know they only do it to protect me. And I don't even like all the business of war... But she does it to keep me safe. So that I don't have to change the way she's had. And she's changed a lot... [ she trails off this tangent, and then her glazed expression turns doleful, and she actually looks at byerly. ] But I wish they had told me about this one. It didn't even matter in the end anyway, did it?

[ The ghem-Colonel sits back. ]

Why, their lack of trust, in fact, did quite matter. It would have helped you to know about him. Maybe then you wouldn't have given him up to us. Thank you for your help.

[ sonia's expression hasn't changed, but there are tears in her eyes now, and she shakes her head. something in her, deep, deep down, is screaming, but it's a distant echo right now. ]

No...no. I wasn't trying to. I don't want to help you. [ if she weren't under fast-penta -- if she weren't herself -- she would have spit those words at him. but now they just fall limply from her mouth. ] I just didn't understand. I was just trying to make sense of it. Oh, I was so angry, but I didn't want to be, I really didn't...

[ she sighs, though her breath hitches, and the tears start to drip down her cheeks. ]

I just wasn't smart enough to see all the signs. To stop. I should have stopped. I really, really should have stopped, or else none of this would be happening, I wouldn't have ruined it all... [ she looks at byerly again, her expression glazed but clearly mournful, apologetic, beyond that. ] I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to.

[ Byerly knows he shouldn't. He shouldn't speak up - every word he utters is a tool for them, is a small advantage. But as she cries, he can't keep it back - he can't - he grinds out, desperately, miserably - ]

You didn't. It was me. I screwed up.

[ she sighs again, looking at him sadly, her eyes glassy. ]

No, no. You were just doing your job. Weren't you? Just following orders like the rest of them. But I needed to know. I really, really wanted to know. I picked you apart as best I could, trying to figure out if there was any truth in it or if it was just lies, all lies. You know, the consequences of it didn't occur to me even just once? Now which one of us is shortsighted?

[ she breaks into disconcerting laughter despite still crying, like this is some kind of funny joke, caught between muted hysterics. ]

You're so bad at telling the truth, Byerly.

[ He can't help it. It hits him like a blow to the face. It's that it's that echo of what she'd said in happier times - and he thinks of them, then and now - and he seizes up, his breath catching, tears standing in his eyes. No, no - To let himself weep in front of his enemies, to let them know that he's so weak before her - And the ghem-Colonel sees, looking at him and smiling, and then back at her.

He says - ]

Well. This has all been very interesting. But perhaps we ought to adjourn for now. Continue later.

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