☆ texts from last night

[runawayballista]

u know the drill

Comments

agent york (au) / rvb

[neverknocks]

i. is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?

ii. let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.

iii. no, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.

iv. it's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry"

v. i can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober

vi. someone needs to get her out of the garbage can she's never gonna forgive us for this

vii. at least i cut out the pieces of your hair where i braided gum into it last night. thank me later.

vi

[greyaria]

I'll get the blowtorch!

[neverknocks]

i feel like there are other, more practical and less flammable ways we can do this that won't come back to bite me in the ass

[greyaria]

To be honest, I was only offering because I'm already carrying a blowtorch.

[neverknocks]

do i want to know why you're carrying a blowtorch on your person at 0230

[greyaria]

Late-night crème brûlée craving. :)

[neverknocks]

oh that's...actually pretty reasonable. and delicious.

wait. how big is the blowtorch

[greyaria]

Only about 30 million joules. It's just cooking.

[neverknocks]

you know, i'm really glad culinary arts isn't my area of expertise, because i don't really wanna know how much overkill that is for creme brulee

anyway that's a neg on the blowtorch, doc

[greyaria]

There is absolutely no point in buying one of those tiny little kitchen torches when you can just use the one from the garage.

Jaws of Life?

[neverknocks]

it's a garbage can, doc, i think we could just tip it over

gently.

[greyaria]

Oh, I thought it must have been welded shut.

[because why else would carolina need help?]

[neverknocks]

jesus, no. she's just...stuck. and passed out. and i'm pretty sure if she wakes up that way, i'm gonna be in the doghouse for like, an ice age.

iv

[startpoint]

Next time I'm picking where we go for drinks so we can avoid this.

[neverknocks]

how was i supposed to know going back to errera would be a big swing and a miss? i remembered that place being WAY classier

[startpoint]

It was obvious by the amount of fuckboys in line at the bar that the clientele has changed.

[ She's using that term correctly, right? She heard someone call Tucker that once. It feels appropriate. ]

[neverknocks]

[ she's so proud. and entertained. ]

whoa carolina, you kiss me with that mouth?

[startpoint]

I can stop doing that if you're really offended.

[neverknocks]

hell no, this is where it gets good. learn any other new dirty words at the club, or is tucker just rubbing off on you? please don't let him see your phone btw i don't wanna hear him make that stupid-ass joke

[startpoint]

[ Do you hear that, York? That's the sound of a sim trooper shouting BOW-CHIKA-BOW-WOW for all to hear. ]

You just had to say it, didn't you?

[neverknocks]

I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HIM SEE YOUR PHONE

[startpoint]

HE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN SOMEONE'S SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

[neverknocks]

do you think he just shouts it at random intervals, just in case?

[startpoint]

According to Church he has a sixth sense for it.

[ Actually the wording Epsilon used was sexth sense but she's not going to dignify that by repeating it. ]

[neverknocks]

i call bullshit. i bet he just saw your face and your reaction gave it away.