☆ texts from last night

[runawayballista]

u know the drill

Comments

epsilon (yes, another one)

[epsiloff]

i. I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.

ii. Next time I say "watch this" get me the fuck out of the bar.

iii. Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week

iv. Today I only have one kid I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?

v. [text him]

iv

[startpoint]

You must be in a good mood today, that's way less than average.

[epsiloff]

Eh, what can I say. Caboose hasn't accidentally strangled Tucker with a shower curtain, I'm callin it a good day.

[startpoint]

Should I leave you with them a while longer then? I don't want to interrupt the male bonding.

[epsiloff]

Uh, no, 'cause if you leave me here any longer I'm gonna convince Caboose to "accidentally" strangle Tucker with a shower curtain. Seriously, C, come pick me up.

[startpoint]

I'll be there once I'm done training with Wash. Try not to leave any bodies before I get there.

[epsiloff]

I'm not promising anything if Tucker starts talking about his "rock visions" again.

[startpoint]

I'm not helping dispose of the body if you do.

[epsiloff]

Do you want to know how many of his "rock visions" include "busty redheads"?

iii

[infailtration]

Liar.

[epsiloff]

And you kiss your mother with that mouth?

[infailtration]

I said liar, not 'fucking liar'.

Whoops.

[epsiloff]

Nice one, dude. And what exactly am I lying about here?

[infailtration]

You don't lie, that's one of your better features.

[epsiloff]

Really, dude? Did Delta tell you that?

[infailtration]

I added the better features part.

1/2

[epsiloff]

Ha ha ha. Oh, you think you are just fuckin hilarious, don't you?

2/2

[epsiloff]

Tell D I know exactly where he's storing those cached audio files, by the way.

ii

[socloverit]

what?? no that was the funniest thing that's happened to me in months

[epsiloff]

God, NO. Jumping around people's cell phones and radios or whatever seems like a fun party trick until you accidentally land in the middle of someone's nasty collection of dick pics. Nope.

[socloverit]

if that wasn't enough for you to learn your lesson then i'm not going to be your voice of reason

maybe next time you'll find better dick pics?

[epsiloff]

Dick move, Clover. Dick move.

Uh, NO? There are no good dick pics for me to be looking at. The only good dick pics would be pics of my dick, and I don't actually have one. You know, strictly speaking.

[socloverit]

lol good one

actually nvm this is getting weird i don't wanna talk about your theoretical dick

[epsiloff]

Uh actually...yeah, let's talk about something else. Not this. Wow. Actually, should I even be letting you go to bars? How the fuck old are you?

[socloverit]

i just turned 21 last month! it's fiiiine don't be a stick in the mud about it, don't you trust me?

[she's a nineteen-year-old liar]