☆ texts from last night

[runawayballista]

u know the drill

Comments

[epsiloff]

God, NO. Jumping around people's cell phones and radios or whatever seems like a fun party trick until you accidentally land in the middle of someone's nasty collection of dick pics. Nope.

[socloverit]

if that wasn't enough for you to learn your lesson then i'm not going to be your voice of reason

maybe next time you'll find better dick pics?

[epsiloff]

Dick move, Clover. Dick move.

Uh, NO? There are no good dick pics for me to be looking at. The only good dick pics would be pics of my dick, and I don't actually have one. You know, strictly speaking.

[socloverit]

lol good one

actually nvm this is getting weird i don't wanna talk about your theoretical dick

[epsiloff]

Uh actually...yeah, let's talk about something else. Not this. Wow. Actually, should I even be letting you go to bars? How the fuck old are you?

[socloverit]

i just turned 21 last month! it's fiiiine don't be a stick in the mud about it, don't you trust me?

[she's a nineteen-year-old liar]

[epsiloff]

[ and he's an AI with the capability to hack into international databases ]

About as much as I'd trust a nineteen-year-old liar whose records have mostly been sealed by the highest of higher ups. Seriously, all I could pull at a first pass was your DOB. What the fuck kinda shit are you into, kid?

[socloverit]

[aw fuck]

:(

[it takes her way longer to send this frowny face than it should???]

if i'm mature enough to have everything all sealed up like that i'm definitely mature enough to drink! it's fiiiine don't even worry about it

now with person face, because he does actually have one under there somewhere

[epsiloff]

[ she has a compelling point. ]

Alright, sure, fuck it. But we are laying down some ground rules here, you got me, sister?

[socloverit]

[she totally did not expect for that to work that easily. epsilon is a champ]

only if one of those ground rules is not calling me sister again

[epsiloff]

[ he's also kind of a chump and doesn't actually want to be The Adult, fuck that ]

Okay, fair. Another is that you don't talk to any guys named Tucker, or that have knuckle tattoos.

[socloverit]

alright i'll accept that, no tuckers or knuckles

knuckers


nvm

[even she isn't gonna pretend that wasn't bad]

[epsiloff]

Okay, and there's another thing: no puns and no portmanteaux. Unless it's actually funny.

[epsiloff]

And no knock-knock jokes. Ever.

MISSED A NOTIF

[socloverit]

i'll give you the piranhas and i GUESS the knock knock jokes if we have to but all puns are funny

[epsiloff]

I will grant you puns on a probationary basis as long as we agree that knock-knock jokes are completely off-limits.

[socloverit]

it's a deal! doorbells only, understood

anything else?

[epsiloff]

Seriously, Clover, no knock-knock jokes. I will lose my goddamn mind.

Uh, yeah, also, no sexting while I'm in your phone. I don't want to see that shit.

[socloverit]

first of all why is it always the grossest thing right away with you, secondly i got it i got it! i'm not gonna be knocking you around like that
that was bad i'm sorry, i'll figure out something better

[epsiloff]

Blame it on spending too much time with a guy named Tucker.

[socloverit]

was it a tucker with knuckle tattoos

[epsiloff]

Jesus Christ, no, I think I would've killed myself somewhere within the first six months. Or ten minutes.

[socloverit]

k because if it were 3/3 i would've had to start thinking you were projecting or something

[epsiloff]

Yeah, not the kind of projection I usually do, kid. I don't do creep. Not really my style.

[socloverit]

idk trying to keep your young protegee from repeating your ex related mistakes is weird but not automatically creepy also don't call me kid