sunchime | [ (muffled gay screaming) ]

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character: shang qinghua

[ (muffled gay screaming) ]

Being a Peak Lord has lots of perks, one of them being that it's a whole lot easier for Shang Qinghua to wave off his regular trips to the Demon Realm as ""business trips"" now that he has no superiors to come up with convincing lies for. Zhangmen-shixiong isn't a bad sect leader, but he's just so trusting. That, and...no one ever reads the logistics reports, yet another example of An Ding Peak's hard work going overlooked. But it works out in Shang Qinghua's favor, so he's not going to complain. Maybe if Cang Qiong Mountain Sect didn't want their Peak Lords to become corrupt and misappropriate sect resources, they shouldn't make it so easy?

Ah, well. Not like this is really Shang Qinghua's chosen lifestyle, he'd be off living a life of happy obscurity if it weren't for the System cornering him into this stupid plotline. If he hadn't faltered when he and Mobei Jun first met, when he'd actually had the opportunity...ugh, but he can't even bring himself to regret that, either! Besides, having Mobei Jun for a boss...hasn't been as terrible as he thought it would? He's nicer than Shang Qinghua remembers writing him towards the original goods, although admittedly there wasn't a whole lot of that in the original novel because...haha.

Because he fucking died so early on in the plot!!!

The thought is really weighing on him right now, in particular because the information he's bringing Mobei Jun this time is early intel on the sect's participation in the Immortal Alliance Conference. The System cornered him into this life, but he's not so willing to give it up, so he's been trying to butter up Mobei Jun from the start. You save someone's life once, you get some gratitude, sure, but if you make yourself indispensable to them? Well, Shang Qinghua definitely isn't at that level, but he always brings snacks or some other novelty from the human world along with the information, and he hopes it's working. It seems to be, at any rate. Mobei Jun doesn't beat him up on the regular, although...it does kind of make Shang Qinghua worry that something's gone wrong. Don't get him wrong, he doesn't want to get the shit kicked out of him, it's just that it feels off, that's all...

It's just...the Mobei Jun he remembers writing was, hmmm, more sexily menacing, you know?

Maybe he really is just grateful to Shang Qinghua for saving him and all his continued service. He also probably just likes having someone to shove paperwork onto. Whenever Shang Qinghua comes to deliver intel, he inevitably winds up sitting around and doing a bunch of logistics legwork for the demons, so in that sense, it really is basically...just a business trip.

Shang Qinghua pokes his head into Mobei Jun's chambers before inching inside. Mobei Jun's mood could well change at the drop of a hat, so Shang Qinghua stays on his toes. You just never know with a guy like that, okay! The man has a face like a stone wall. An incredibly manly chiseled stone wall, but still—

"Hello, my king? I come bringing gifts..." He holds up an armful of scrolls, a bag of melon seeds in one fist. One of the scrolls slips through his arms and falls to the floor, and the second he moves to try and pick it up, several more tumble out of his arms. So it's gonna be that kinda day, huh. Ahh, fuck. "Haha, sorry, sorry, I'll get those—"

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Before he transmigrated, Shen Yuan would probably have started fidgeting with something, but he has mercifully gained the original Mobei Jun's ability to just remain totally motionless while he watches Shang Qinghua work. Honestly he'd like to make conversation, but that absolutely doesn't fit his character settings, so he just does what he has gotten very used to doing in the years since he transmigrated: just zones the hell out without his expression changing even slightly. He wonders if the original Mobei Jun did this too, or if he didn't need to. The novel didn't really provide much of a glimpse into his interiority...

... Hold on. Is that Naruto? It is Naruto. A frown flickers across his face. "It's 'fighting dreamers'," he corrects without thinking, and then a split second later he is hit, simultaneously and forcefully, with the implications of hearing Naruto music here in the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way, the implications of his own having acknowledged it aloud, and with the fact that Shang Qinghua has just revealed some of his important, private notes --

His hand darts across the desk like a viper to seize the incriminating paper, which he crams up his sleeve with a faintly haunted look on his face.

"Where did you hear that song."

What the fuck!!

Shang Qinghua has barely processed that a demon just corrected him on the lyrics to a now 15-year-old anime theme song when the notes are ripped from his hands, and he's still processing that. He jumps back as though afraid (reasonably so, even if Mobei Jun's never actually beaten him up he's still pretty imposing!) and swallows the momentary terror in the next minute. His face is white with shock, but he still manages to throw an accusing finger at his supposed-to-be demon king.

"Better question, where did you get those names, because you haven't even read the Huan Hua Palace report!"

Not actually a better question, but his brain is really struggling with the idea that this might not actually be Mobei Jun right now.

Mobei Jun stares at him, jaw clenched.

"That's not important. Answer the question."

Unfortunately Shang Qinghua has a conditioned reaction to this and it is to immediately shield his head with his arms and yelp, "Naruto! It's the fourth opening theme from Naruto, okay!"

He lowers his arms partway, just enough to shoot a glare at Mobei Jun. It's really not Shang Qinghua's fault that he looks kind of hot when he's—well, emoting literally at all, that's not lost on Shang Qinghua, but this isn't even the real Mobei Jun, is he! God dammit!!

"Which you obviously already know, so what gives? Have you been a transmigrator this whole time?"

Under ordinary circumstances, actually, yeah it might be kind of cool to have a fellow transmigrator bro, especially someone with good taste in anime, it's just...he'd prefer it be literally any other character.

"I mean -- yes??" This is the most confusion he's ever allowed into Mobei Jun's voice, and honestly it feels a bit weird. "Have you?"

Man... his cute little treason buddy was actually the kind of person who reads PIDW...

"Yes," Shang Qinghua says, and with a horrible little groan, lowers his head into his arms. This sucks!! This should be cool, but this is a lot! He's processing! "I was literally born into this shitty character's shitty life. I've been spending pretty much all of it trying not to get killed."

Mobei Jun is, narratively speaking, the entire reason he is in a position to get murdered in the first place, and even though it has in fact been super cool to spend all this time with his hot OC, the knowledge that a real person who's seen the internet is inhabiting that body has kind of harshed the buzz, and Shang Qinghua is feeling a little resentful. But then again...the fact that Mobei Jun's been way nicer than he expected, even calling him a valuable asset, that has been kind of OOC, but at the same time, it means that those sentiments were maybe actually genuine??

Augh. Shang Qinghua's brain feels like a blender that someone has tried to stuff two iPhones into. After another little pitiful gurgle, he lifts his head and sighs. "So, are you a fan, or...?"

Oh man... Shen Yuan feels kind of bad, hearing that? Like, if he'd been able to tell this guy sooner that he wasn't the original Mobei Jun, then he wouldn't have had to spend all these years worrying he was going to be executed...

Well, at least he can stop worrying about that now, right? And so can Shen Yuan! They can combine their efforts to prevent Shang Qinghua's canonical fate from happening. And he can't pretend the idea of having some company wouldn't be...

"... Ah." Is he... a fan? Of course not! Never mind the merch that was all over his desk when he died. "No."

Shang Qinghua deflates even more at that. Aw, man, and this guy's not even a fan of his work? It actually would've been cool to have someone to talk to about the world, you know, Shang Qinghua knows it's not perfect but it is still pretty cool!

"Ah." He looks at should-have-been Mobei Jun, trying to figure out how he feels about all this. This is just...so much more than he was prepared to deal with today. "Well, if you've never read the book, you did a pretty good Mobei Jun, haha..."

The System probably helped too, yeah, he would've had to get around the OOC lock first. But still...maybe they can still be friends?? God, they'd better be friends, because it's not like this guy is going to stop being Shang Qinghua's boss thanks to Story Reasons.

Mobei Jun raises an eyebrow. That is actually pretty reassuring to hear, because he's never entirely sure if he's just beefing it at all times, but...

"I read the book," he clarifies. "I just thought it sucked."

Shang Qinghua actually flinches at that. Ouch! He's always had a reasonably thick skin about his writing, he'd had plenty of haters, but in person, it kind of stings. Of all things, that really isn't what he expected to hear! Just when he thought things were looking up for him.......

"Did you read the whole book?" he asks hopefully. Maybe this guy didn't! Maybe he quit early on and didn't get to the end, that'd explain why he thought it sucked, right?

Wow, touchy. Not surprising really, guys on the forums would always act like you'd personally punched them in the face if you tried to critique their favourite garbage webnovel...

"Yes, and I wish I hadn't. It started out promising, the protagonist was interesting, there was some cool worldbuilding, some side characters with potential... but it ended up repetitive and inane and riddled with plot holes." He waves a hand dismissively. "It was a mess."

Shang Qinghua immediately regrets asking. It's like having abridged comment posts read to him out loud by his extremely hot crush, which is unfair on a fucking cosmic level. What did he do to deserve this!!

Normally when someone's clearly a hater just there to hate, the kind of person who comes to the table with all conclusions already drawn, it's not hard for Shang Qinghua to brush them off. Some people just can't be pleased! But this is Mobei Jun.........

"I mean, yeah, sure," Shang Qinghua hedges, "it's really long, I guess there are parts that seem kind of repetitive, and some plot threads just get dropped over the course of developing the plot, it's one of the hazards of publishing an ongoing story, you know? But I don't know if I'd call it a mess, I mean, it's pretty impressive just that someone managed to write the whole thing, right?"

Because yes, he'd sacrificed artistic integrity in the name of soliciting more subscribers here and there, but at least when it was all done, he could tell himself he'd accomplished something!

Edited 2021-03-05 00:20 (UTC)

"It's depressing that someone managed to write the whole thing." Mobei Jun folds his arms. "It should have ended hundreds of chapters ago. I mean, what was that final arc? I'd say I thought the author just threw some garbage together to wrap it up because he was sick of writing it if anything that had happened for months had been better quality."

The little scraps of joy Shang Qinghua has been hoarding in his less-than-ideal second life are being torn out of his arms with every word from Mobei Jun's mouth. Come on! Why did it have to be Mobei Jun! Couldn't this guy have transmigrated into literally! Anyone! Else!

"What's wrong with the final arc?" It's not so much that Shang Qinghua wants to continue having this conversation as it is that he's not sure he has another option. Would Mobei Jun pull rank on him if he tried to bolt? Either way, at the end of the day, this guy is still his boss...fuck.

More than that, though, the way he lists off critiques sounds kind of familiar...

"Wait, were you on the forums?"

He opens his mouth to reply to that, and from the way he's raising his hands it looks like he's going to list things off on his fingers? Thank god Shang Qinghua asks another question. Mobei Jun narrows his eyes slightly. "Yes, why?"

He's not going to dignify that 'why' with an answer. He's the one asking the questions right now!! And he is already dreading the answer.

"What was your username?"

Mobei Jun eyes him warily. Is this some kind of trap? It's not like he doesn't stand by all of the opinions he's posted under his username, but...

"Peerless Cucumber..."

GOD that is wretched to say out loud with his mouth.

It's even worse to hear out loud. Shang Qinghua jumps to his feet and away from Mobei Jun in pure indignation-slash-despair-slash-outrage. There is an awkward cocktail of feelings simmering in his stomach that he isn't interested in examining super closely right now, and this is kind of too much.

"Oh, come on!" If this is a cosmic joke it is a very unfunny one. Shang Qinghua never had any trouble laughing off Peerless Cucumber's faux-intellectual tirades when they were separated by screens, but now he is Shang Qinghua's boss?? And presumably holds Shang Qinghua's pathetic little life in his stupid manly hands?? In Mobei Jun's manly hands, but this guy has been Mobei Jun all along?? He knocks angrily on the System, demanding an explanation, and it declines to provide him one.

"Of all people, you had to transmigrate here, too? And into my favorite character!" Shang Qinghua slaps his hands to his face and turns his head skyward with a profoundly whiny groan. "This is so unfair!"

Yikes! Mobei Jun leans back slightly, brow furrowed indignantly. What did he ever do to this guy?

"You know if I ever told you to delete your account I couldn't literally make you do it," he says snippily, which is frankly a weird adverb to experience from Mobei Jun but Here We Are,

Shang Qinghua gives Mobei Jun a look of disgust, something he is almost always on the receiving end of. It would feel refreshing except that today sucks right now. Come The Fuck On, Dude. The worst part of it is that it's all coming through Mobei Jun's face and voice, so when he gets snippy, a part of Shang Qinghua flinches back even though it's totally OOC!!

"No shit you couldn't make me do it, you were literally paying for my posts. Not that it stopped you, which, to be honest, I'm not even really sure what your whole damage is, if you hated it so much you could've stopped reading at any time!"

"You -- what?" Mobei Jun stares at him for a moment... and then it all clicks into place, and his face freezes.

"... You're the author. Oh my god. Are you kidding me?"

"No, no, we are still on me and my shock and horror here! Are you kidding me!" Shang Qinghua tears at his hair. Hey, System, answer him already, did you do this on purpose or not!! "I fucking electrocute myself to death after writing an epic novel and get shoved into one of the shittiest characters who doesn't even make it through two arcs! Why do you get to be Mobei Jun?!"

"Obviously you're not going to get killed," says Mobei Jun, rolling his eyes. "Fucking hell, I've spent all these years trying to make sure you don't have to get executed because I didn't think you deserved it and it turns out you were the author! This ENTIRE TIME! Hey!" He slaps his hands down on the desk. "Why did you have to make demon food suck so bad, huh? Would it have killed you to come up with some interesting cuisine??"

Shang Qinghua jumps like a rabbit when Mobei Jun's hands come down, pressing himself against the wall behind the desk with a kneejerk look of terror. Turns out those forum posts come across real different when they're being yelled at you by a hot and terrifyingly imposing guy who's, what, six four, huh??

"B-because it was to highlight Bing-ge's cooking! Obviously! You know, it's a kind of metaphoric virginity, experiencing real human food for the first time—" He bites off his own stupid babbling and gives Mobei Jun a look of wary bemusement. "Wait, you didn't think I deserve to get executed?"

Obviously Mobei Jun seemed like he wanted to keep his rat around, but Shang Qinghua figured it was for purely practical reasons, you know?

Whatever petulant retort Shen Yuan was preparing to that explanation, this next question makes him drop it completely.

"What?? Obviously not?" He frowns slightly, looking a little betrayed. "I thought you were, you know, just a kid, when we met! And I was making you do this! How would it be fair to let that happen!" Yes, of course in a story Shang Qinghua should have died rather than give away his righteous sect's secrets to a demon, but in practice it turned out it was really hard to judge a terrified teenager for not making that choice!

"... Of course, that was before I knew who you really were," he huffs petulantly.

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