[ (muffled gay screaming) ]

[nocannobb]

Being a Peak Lord has lots of perks, one of them being that it's a whole lot easier for Shang Qinghua to wave off his regular trips to the Demon Realm as ""business trips"" now that he has no superiors to come up with convincing lies for. Zhangmen-shixiong isn't a bad sect leader, but he's just so trusting. That, and...no one ever reads the logistics reports, yet another example of An Ding Peak's hard work going overlooked. But it works out in Shang Qinghua's favor, so he's not going to complain. Maybe if Cang Qiong Mountain Sect didn't want their Peak Lords to become corrupt and misappropriate sect resources, they shouldn't make it so easy?

Ah, well. Not like this is really Shang Qinghua's chosen lifestyle, he'd be off living a life of happy obscurity if it weren't for the System cornering him into this stupid plotline. If he hadn't faltered when he and Mobei Jun first met, when he'd actually had the opportunity...ugh, but he can't even bring himself to regret that, either! Besides, having Mobei Jun for a boss...hasn't been as terrible as he thought it would? He's nicer than Shang Qinghua remembers writing him towards the original goods, although admittedly there wasn't a whole lot of that in the original novel because...haha.

Because he fucking died so early on in the plot!!!

The thought is really weighing on him right now, in particular because the information he's bringing Mobei Jun this time is early intel on the sect's participation in the Immortal Alliance Conference. The System cornered him into this life, but he's not so willing to give it up, so he's been trying to butter up Mobei Jun from the start. You save someone's life once, you get some gratitude, sure, but if you make yourself indispensable to them? Well, Shang Qinghua definitely isn't at that level, but he always brings snacks or some other novelty from the human world along with the information, and he hopes it's working. It seems to be, at any rate. Mobei Jun doesn't beat him up on the regular, although...it does kind of make Shang Qinghua worry that something's gone wrong. Don't get him wrong, he doesn't want to get the shit kicked out of him, it's just that it feels off, that's all...

It's just...the Mobei Jun he remembers writing was, hmmm, more sexily menacing, you know?

Maybe he really is just grateful to Shang Qinghua for saving him and all his continued service. He also probably just likes having someone to shove paperwork onto. Whenever Shang Qinghua comes to deliver intel, he inevitably winds up sitting around and doing a bunch of logistics legwork for the demons, so in that sense, it really is basically...just a business trip.

Shang Qinghua pokes his head into Mobei Jun's chambers before inching inside. Mobei Jun's mood could well change at the drop of a hat, so Shang Qinghua stays on his toes. You just never know with a guy like that, okay! The man has a face like a stone wall. An incredibly manly chiseled stone wall, but still—

"Hello, my king? I come bringing gifts..." He holds up an armful of scrolls, a bag of melon seeds in one fist. One of the scrolls slips through his arms and falls to the floor, and the second he moves to try and pick it up, several more tumble out of his arms. So it's gonna be that kinda day, huh. Ahh, fuck. "Haha, sorry, sorry, I'll get those—"

Comments

[youcanyouup]

Yikes! Mobei Jun leans back slightly, brow furrowed indignantly. What did he ever do to this guy?

"You know if I ever told you to delete your account I couldn't literally make you do it," he says snippily, which is frankly a weird adverb to experience from Mobei Jun but Here We Are,

[nocannobb]

Shang Qinghua gives Mobei Jun a look of disgust, something he is almost always on the receiving end of. It would feel refreshing except that today sucks right now. Come The Fuck On, Dude. The worst part of it is that it's all coming through Mobei Jun's face and voice, so when he gets snippy, a part of Shang Qinghua flinches back even though it's totally OOC!!

"No shit you couldn't make me do it, you were literally paying for my posts. Not that it stopped you, which, to be honest, I'm not even really sure what your whole damage is, if you hated it so much you could've stopped reading at any time!"

[youcanyouup]

"You -- what?" Mobei Jun stares at him for a moment... and then it all clicks into place, and his face freezes.

"... You're the author. Oh my god. Are you kidding me?"

[nocannobb]

"No, no, we are still on me and my shock and horror here! Are you kidding me!" Shang Qinghua tears at his hair. Hey, System, answer him already, did you do this on purpose or not!! "I fucking electrocute myself to death after writing an epic novel and get shoved into one of the shittiest characters who doesn't even make it through two arcs! Why do you get to be Mobei Jun?!"

[youcanyouup]

"Obviously you're not going to get killed," says Mobei Jun, rolling his eyes. "Fucking hell, I've spent all these years trying to make sure you don't have to get executed because I didn't think you deserved it and it turns out you were the author! This ENTIRE TIME! Hey!" He slaps his hands down on the desk. "Why did you have to make demon food suck so bad, huh? Would it have killed you to come up with some interesting cuisine??"

[nocannobb]

Shang Qinghua jumps like a rabbit when Mobei Jun's hands come down, pressing himself against the wall behind the desk with a kneejerk look of terror. Turns out those forum posts come across real different when they're being yelled at you by a hot and terrifyingly imposing guy who's, what, six four, huh??

"B-because it was to highlight Bing-ge's cooking! Obviously! You know, it's a kind of metaphoric virginity, experiencing real human food for the first time—" He bites off his own stupid babbling and gives Mobei Jun a look of wary bemusement. "Wait, you didn't think I deserve to get executed?"

Obviously Mobei Jun seemed like he wanted to keep his rat around, but Shang Qinghua figured it was for purely practical reasons, you know?

[youcanyouup]

Whatever petulant retort Shen Yuan was preparing to that explanation, this next question makes him drop it completely.

"What?? Obviously not?" He frowns slightly, looking a little betrayed. "I thought you were, you know, just a kid, when we met! And I was making you do this! How would it be fair to let that happen!" Yes, of course in a story Shang Qinghua should have died rather than give away his righteous sect's secrets to a demon, but in practice it turned out it was really hard to judge a terrified teenager for not making that choice!

"... Of course, that was before I knew who you really were," he huffs petulantly.

[nocannobb]

"You were still making me do it! You still are!" Shang Qinghua eases away from the wall just enough to cross his arms and huff right back. "What do you think I do when I'm not here, just laze around An Ding Peak? I bust my ass for you, you know that? I have two full time jobs! And what do you do, other than stand around looking imposing and making—what was that, a shipping chart or something? How does me being the author change things, I definitely didn't ask for any of this!"

[youcanyouup]

"Well neither did I! You think I wouldn't have just let you go if the System let me? Obviously I didn't want you to die just because of the stupid plot!" He is not going to remark on his important wife notes. He rolls his eyes. "And I guess I still don't, even if it turns out all of this is your fault in the first place."

[nocannobb]

"All I did was write a book," Shang Qinghua whines, scrubbing one hand against his head in order to rub his two remaining brain cells together, but only succeeds in mussing his hair. This is giving him a headache. 

"Well, at least we both agree on one point, which is that I definitely should not die." That shouldn't really feel like a concession, it should be a given, and yet. Shang Qinghua heaves a sigh. "We just have to convince the System to join the consensus. So...I guess...we just go along with the plan for now?"

Obviously, what else are they going to do, but it feels weird now? It's not like they can go back to pretending they don't know they're both transmigrators, right?

[youcanyouup]

"Ugh... I mean, it is a major plot event. I don't think we have a choice." He sighs and leans back on one hand, letting himself slouch a little for once. "I'm still coming, though. I want to see some of those monsters."

[nocannobb]

Now that Shang Qinghua knows the whole reason Mobei Jun’s been acting off is because he isn’t Mobei Jun at all, the differences are less reassuring and more annoying. Sit up straight, don’t slouch like that, don’t you know you’re a demon lord!!

“If the System says it’s okay, it definitely couldn’t hurt,” he agrees. As much as he’s still very much processing the misery of his transmigration buddy be Peerless Cucumber, at least he’s made it clear that he doesn’t think Shang Qinghua deserves to die. So Mobei Jun will probably protect him if anything goes wrong, right! For sure!

But he stops and frowns then, because while he’s theoretically in the clear, that still leaves Mobei Jun awaiting his fated beating at the hands of Luo Binghe, and while it has to happen—obviously! It’s integral to the arc!—he’s never really relished the thought of his fav getting beat up, and he guesses he doesn’t really want Peerless Cucumber to get his ass handed to him, either… Well, maybe a little. But he’d still have to watch it happening to Mobei Jun (T⌓T)

“Maybe we can tweak a few other things while you’re up there,” he says, though he’s still trying to remember the exact sequence of events that led to that particular fight. It was one of the early arcs, who could remember all that stuff without notes! “Make it so Bing-ge won’t give it to you so bad when you have to face off.”

See! Look! What a helper.

[youcanyouup]

Rather than sitting up straight, Mobei Jun chooses to lean forward with even worse posture, resting his chin on his knuckles. He frowns.

"You think if we help him out now he might buy it if I surrender when he comes out of the Abyss? I don't know... Wasn't the only reason he trusted the original Mobei Jun because he'd already owned him so completely they both knew there'd be no point in him trying to go against Bing-ge? It's probably safer to just endure it, right?"

[nocannobb]

Shang Qinghua nods along thoughtfully, managing to forget for one blissful moment that Peerless Cucumber has permanently ruined his favorite character. “Hmm, yeah, I think an outright surrender probably deviates from the script too much…but he just has to be convinced of your loyalty and his superiority, right? So couldn’t you throw the fight just a little?”

This guy seems pretty willing to get beat up by Luo Binghe despite claiming to hate Shang Qinghua’s life’s work, huh.

[youcanyouup]

"Don't you think he'd notice?" says Mobei Jun, grimacing. "He's the protagonist! And if he thinks I'm trying to deceive him or something then we're both screwed, even worse than you would've been if I was the original goods!"

[nocannobb]

"Hmmm..." Shang Qinghua screws up his face in Deep Thought, wrinkling his nose. Definitely don't want to jeopardize the little survival scheme he has going here; it'll definitely all go out the window if Luo Binghe decides to put them both on the chopping block. After all, it's not like Shang Qinghua would survive in Luo Binghe's entourage without Mobei Jun, anyway. At this point in time, Shang Qinghua cannot imagine any circumstance under which Luo Binghe would want to keep him alive independent of Mobei Jun, especially once he finds out his shishu is a traitorous rat, ha ha ha!

"You're right," he says brightly, and pats Mobei Jun on the arm. His massive arm, which Shang Qinghua pats again just for the novelty of it. "You'll just have to take that one for the team, then. I'm counting on you, Cucumber-bro!"

[youcanyouup]

"Ugh, don't call me that," he mutters, swatting half-heartedly at Shang Qinghua's hand, which coming from Mobei Jun is a bit like being slapped with a shovel. "And that's what I was planning to do anyway! You didn't need to remind me at length about how much it's going to suck!"

[nocannobb]

"Ow!" Shang Qinghua shakes out his hand, making a pitiful face at Mobei Jun. Look at his face, those are real tears in his eyes! That really fucking hurts!! "I'm just helping you mentally prepare! I mean, it's not like I can do anything else since you're supposed to lose."

At least all the furniture in here is freezing cold, so Shang Qinghua just presses his hand against the desk, and he gives Mobei Jun a sidelong glance. He looks like a mix of annoyed and disgusted. "Can you sit up straight? You're just walking right all over Mobei Jun's cool image. Would it kill you to respect the character?"

[youcanyouup]

Mobei Jun scowls at him, disdainfully.

"Are you crying? I barely hit you. Anyway what does it matter if I 'respect the character' or not, you're the only one here and you know I'm not the real thing!" He folds his arms with a huff. "I was perfectly convincing before, wasn't I?"

[nocannobb]

"You don't know your own strength," Shang Qinghua whines, and he huffs right back at Mobei Jun. "I mean...kind of? You always were, hmm...you know, less scary than I imagined Mobei Jun when I was writing him? It seemed a little off, but it's not like I had any reason to suspect you were another transmigrator, so I just figure d the System had its own interpretation of the character that was kind of off. It's not like I ever wrote a ton of scenes with just the two of them—us—" That he'd published, anyway. Peerless Cucumber doesn't need to know about the stuff that was for Airplane's eyes only! "—but I always imagined Mobei Jun in private was less, you know. Nice?"

[youcanyouup]

Mobei Jun frowns. Or...

Well...

It's kind of more of a pout. Mobei Jun pouts.

"Only because I didn't want you to -- you know." He waves a hand, flustered. "End up betraying me and have to be executed. If it's really that much of a problem," he adds with a huff, "Now I know that's not going to be an issue, I don't need to try to make sure you don't do anything stupid, do I?"

[nocannobb]

Ugh. That pout looks totally out of place on Mobei Jun's face. Stoic, he's supposed to be stoic bordering on terrifying! It's supposed to be hot!

"No! Obviously not," Shang Qinghua says immediately with a nervous high-pitched laugh. It's really funny (ha ha ha) how Peerless Cucumber sucks so bad at being Mobei Jun, except for when he's actually mad or annoyed, in which case it's a lot closer to the original goods. "You just give the orders and I'll take care of everything!"

He's in autopilot bow and scrape mode, but -- hang on! Actually, why should he be taking orders from Peerless Cucumber? The chain of command is only for show by now, they're transmigrators working together! Shang Qinghua quickly clears his throat, trying to recover dignity he never lost in the first place.

"By which I mean, you know, use our combined powers to advance the story," he says, like he's about to follow up with some kind of helpful suggestion, but...nope. "So, uhh...what's our next move? Obviously we've gotta go through the whole Bing-ge being shoved into Abyss and kicking your ass plan, but how do we, um. Prepare for Luo Binghe?" (There is no preparing for Luo Binghe.) "I mean, from what I've heard, he's pretty much on track to fulfill that arc, so I guess there's nothing extra we can do in the meantime? Just go ahead with our plans for the Conference?"

Which means Shang Qinghua has a great excuse to not pick up any more work than he already has on his plate. Granted, 'on track to fulfill that arc' is just a nice way of saying that Shen Qingqiu is still helping Luo Binghe build character through a melange of abuse, but that's supposed to happen! It's necessary for his character development, right? If Shang Qinghua did anything to help him, it would probably totally throw that off track, right??