WRONG TURN TO THE BABY WAR

[jetsplaining]

So, good news -- the space bridge prototype worked. Less good news -- it seems to have taken Starscream with it instead of the drone, which was definitely not the intent. And he hadn't intended to send it to a...ship? It looks like he's on a ship. He can feel the hum of the engines through the bulkheads. There are almost definitely people on this ship -- whose is it? It seems Cybertronian in make, but it's not as though the ports of Cybertron have been especially bustling lately. The hallway he's in is too nondescript to give him a clue as to just what kind of ship this is, but the lack of Decepticon insignias in sight doesn't install a great sense of confidence in him.

His radio pings are hitting dead air, so either no one else was transported here, or the trip messed with his comms. Neither prospect is especially heartening. Clutching his datapad to his chest, Starscream flattens himself against a wall and starts inching toward the nearest turn in the corridor, calling out in a low hiss.

"Megatron?" Nothing. Well. Hm. "Slipstream? ...Strika? Anyone?"

Comments

[jetsplaining]

Starscream rolls his eyes. "Fearless! Noble! Steadfast!" he says mockingly, the words sounding like they've come straight off an Autobot recruitment poster. "She's not stupid, I'll give her that, and her second-in-command is a seasoned veteran from well before the war, and some of her scientific advisors are graduates of the most venerated institutions on Cybertron."

Does he sound bitter about that? Maybe just a tiny bit. "I hear she gives good speeches, and I'll grant that she seems to command a lot of loyalty from her troops. Absolutely unwilling to compromise, though." As though this isn't one of Megatron's own glaring character flaws. Starscream makes a face and flicks a probably imaginary speck of dirt from his shoulder. "I'm sure the fact that she's made it personal for Megatron doesn't help. I think it clouds his judgment on occasion, but sometimes he just won't listen."

He scowls. That's about as much criticism of his conjunx as he's willing to vocalize to this Megatron, but honestly, if Megatron would just listen to reason, then maybe he'd finally just drop a bomb on Iacon and end the whole thing, Orion Pax be damned.

[towardspeace]

Megatron snorts. Yeah, he bets he won't listen. "Made it personal," he repeats, considering. "How?"

[jetsplaining]

"By deciding to date Orion Pax," Starscream says with an incredibly long-suffering look. Ugh. He is so loath to actually mention Orion's name again, but they've already come up and he thinks Megatron could probably have guessed anyway. Actually, what he's the most reluctant to talk about is the fact that Megatron is so obviously not over Orion after all this time, despite his current relationship with Starscream. It's goddamn embarrassing. "She knew it'd get under Megatron's plating. I mean, honestly -- the leader of the Autobots picking up the ex-conjunx of the leader of the Decepticons? It's a classic power move. Honestly, if it weren't so irritating I might actually be impressed."

[towardspeace]

Megatron actually boggles a little.

"I'm sorry," he says, trying to wrap his processor around, firstly, the fact that Starscream seems to be describing soap opera drama but also, more absolutely bewilderingly -- "Did you say ex-conjunx."

[jetsplaining]

Starscream raises a robot eyebrow at Megatron. “His ex-conjunx socia, yes,” he says, as though the context should have been obvious. It has absolutely not occurred to him that that might not be a thing here. “Not that they ever even met in person until they broke up. But when you get down to it, an ex is still an ex, and the fact that Elita is willing to engage in psychological warfare on that level really speaks to her true moral character.”

[towardspeace]

Starscream's complaints about Elita One go largely ignored; Megatron is absolutely distracted by what he's implying about past relationships.

"Are you telling me," he says, turning his whole upper body to face Starscream, "that in the timeline you've come here from, your version of Megatron and Orion Pax were..."

He looks... appalled? Absolutely aghast. A little lost.

[jetsplaining]

"Dating? Yes," Starscream says irritably, although he's giving Megatron a sort of skeptical look. Why this is such a hard pill to swallow doesn't really make sense to him. He'd kind of gotten the impression that things were more or less the same with this Megatron. "What, and you weren't?"

[towardspeace]

"Of course not!" Megatron snaps. The concept is -- absurd. Of course some part of him can't help but enjoy the thought, but that's exactly why it bothers him so much... that some other instance of himself might have had that kind of positive bond with Optimus -- and yet still thrown it away, apparently.

One of his hands forms a fist without his really thinking about it.

"Preposterous," he insists. "The very idea."

[jetsplaining]

Look, this Starscream may not yet be the master manipulator that Megatron clearly knows him as, but he can read that body language pretty well. Starscream gives him a look up and down and says, very unconvinced, "Right."

This would maybe be a little funnier if Megatron being so into Orion wasn't a massive fucking inconvenience and personal pet peeve for Starscream, but it is decently entertaining, watching him struggle with himself. Mocking Megatron has never really occurred to him as a form of genuine entertainment, so this is sort of a novelty, but Starscream's curiosity has a greater hold on his attention.

"What about me? I mean -- not me, obviously," he says hastily. "But your Starscream. What was your relationship with him like?"

[towardspeace]

Megatron glowers at him.

"Profoundly unpleasant, as I'm sure yours is as well. Which is why I'd rather have you off my ship as soon as possible, if it's all the same to you."

[jetsplaining]

Starscream looks downright outraged at that implication -- maybe more than he should, but he has just been talking about his Megatron's weird hangups over Orion, and maybe he's feeling just a little bit sensitive, but he'll admit any of that over his dead body, so, yeah. Indignant outrage is the way to go.

"No, in fact," he says through his teeth, "my relationship with Megatron is just fine. More than fine, actually. Which is why I'd much rather get back to him -- and my Cybertron -- as soon as possible, rather than endure your company any longer than necessary."

[towardspeace]

Megatron raises his robot eyebrows – surprised, but mostly immensely skeptical. "Really," he says. "And you're, what, a loyal second in command?"

[jetsplaining]

Starscream's expression sours further; Megatron has clearly struck a sore spot. "No," he grinds out, "I am a loyal science officer."

Was this universe's Starscream the second-in-command of the Decepticons? Because it sure sounds like it. Was his obviously terrible relationship with Megatron a result of that? Is that some kind of inevitability?

Pfft. No. Absolutely not. Clearly this Megatron never had the same bond that Starscream does. Which is why he adds, more or less unwisely, "And his conjunx socia."

See, Megatron!! He's important. He has what you didn't have. Everything Is Just Fine.

[towardspeace]

Megatron stares at him for a moment.

Then he pinches the bridge of his nose and says, "Good grief," and turns away to continue walking ahead.

[jetsplaining]

Starscream's not really sure what a satisfactory response from Megatron would have looked like, but that definitely isn't it. He fumes for a second before doubling his stride to catch up with an annoyed little grunt.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he scoffs, as obnoxiously as possible, and then he snaps his fingers as though he's had some kind of revelation and bares his teeth at Megatron in a small but very rude smile. "Are you jealous?"

[towardspeace]

Megatron's response to that question is a sort of intensely weary grimace.

"I cannot imagine," he says, "being less jealous."

Unlike his confused response to Starscream's claims about his Megatron's relationship with Orion, this is nothing but the truth. The thought of how much more abjectly terrible everything between himself and Starscream might have been if it had started out as some kind of genuine romantic relationship honestly does not bear thinking about, and yet here he is, being forced to contemplate it.

[jetsplaining]

Starscream's mouth pulls back in a dissatisfied sneer, because he actually was gunning for the jealous reaction, because then he'd at least get to feel superior here, in a situation where he has far less control than he'd really like. How can Megatron not be jealous?? The only reasonable conclusion is that the Starscream here really is that bad, which makes Starscream feel simultaneously better and worse about himself. Hm.

"Fine," he says, just a little bit petulantly, but mostly to change the subject to something he is actually keenly curious about. "So if you loathe your Starscream so much, then how did he get to be your second-in-command?"

[towardspeace]

"Because it took the full four million years," Megatron grits out, eyes narrowed, "for it to really sink in exactly how loathsome he really is."

[jetsplaining]

Starscream's expression flattens. "It sounds like that was on you," he says airily, rolling his eyes. "But that's not what I asked. I want to know how he got to be second-in-command in the first place."

Both Megatron and Starscream in this universe seem to be total disasters, a thought that occurs to him with absolutely no trace of irony whatsoever, but whatever this Starscream did, maybe that holds the secret to how he could become second-in-command.

[towardspeace]

Unamused, Megatron looks back at him. "Are you looking for tips? Because frankly I feel like giving them to you would be irresponsible."

[jetsplaining]

He shoots Megatron a seething look. He's really not appreciating what he feels are entirely warranted put-downs. It's not like he's the one you had to suffer through a messy divorce with, Megatron, please.

"No, I'm not looking for tips," Starscream says, lying through his teeth. "Considering our timelines are clearly different, I doubt any advice -- and I'm using that term loosely -- would probably be useless." Also a lie. He'll totally use even the slightest advantage he can glean from this...adventure. "I just want to know why he was your second-in-command instead of Strika."

[towardspeace]

"Strika?" He raises a robot eyebrow. "I don't know him. I expect that's why, if the one in your timeline was competent enough to be promoted ahead of you."

[jetsplaining]

"Her," Starscream corrects irritably, although not because of the pronoun swap. "She wasn't promoted ahead of me. She was a Decepticon well before I was -- she was part of the original movement."

He heaves a sigh, lips thinning. "She was Megatron's...mentor, if you want to call it that. They met in the gladiatorial arena, and she encouraged him to be more proactive with his politics, and -- well, I'm sure you can see where that went. She is a competent soldier," he concedes, a massive understatement, "and she clearly has Megatron's trust, but frankly, as second-in-command, I think she's outlived her usefulness."

[towardspeace]

Megatron raises the other one too as he considers this. It certainly doesn't really mirror his own experience, but... the way Starscream talks about it is pretty familiar. He doesn't say so, because the last thing he wants is to encourage this brat, but he gives this Strika maybe a few years at an optimistic estimate.

He hums thoughtfully. "And why do you think that?"

[jetsplaining]

"Because she cares more about Megatron's personal wellbeing than winning the war," Starscream says bluntly. "I mean -- I care about his wellbeing, obviously, but Strika's losing her perspective. The plans she objects to are always the ones that carry any serious physical risk for Megatron. She's overprotective."

He scowls at the thought. Obviously Strika and Megatron have a deeper relationship than just leader and subordinate, but sentiment isn't going to win them the war. "And so her tactics always carry that bias. Megatron needs objectivity. If he'd just let me into the tac meetings..." He bites off that thought with an annoyed little grunt.