WRONG TURN TO THE BABY WAR

[jetsplaining]

So, good news -- the space bridge prototype worked. Less good news -- it seems to have taken Starscream with it instead of the drone, which was definitely not the intent. And he hadn't intended to send it to a...ship? It looks like he's on a ship. He can feel the hum of the engines through the bulkheads. There are almost definitely people on this ship -- whose is it? It seems Cybertronian in make, but it's not as though the ports of Cybertron have been especially bustling lately. The hallway he's in is too nondescript to give him a clue as to just what kind of ship this is, but the lack of Decepticon insignias in sight doesn't install a great sense of confidence in him.

His radio pings are hitting dead air, so either no one else was transported here, or the trip messed with his comms. Neither prospect is especially heartening. Clutching his datapad to his chest, Starscream flattens himself against a wall and starts inching toward the nearest turn in the corridor, calling out in a low hiss.

"Megatron?" Nothing. Well. Hm. "Slipstream? ...Strika? Anyone?"

Comments

[jetsplaining]

Starscream puffs out his chest, refusing to be knocked off his cleverer-than-thou higher ground right now.

"Some of the greatest scientific discoveries in history were made by accident," he says smugly. "Do you know how Cybertronian scientists first split the atom? Or discovered gamma rays? Or the frequency of five-space fields? Of course you don't," he goes on, not giving Megatron a chance to answer. "But I'm sure Brainstorm and Perceptor do, and I'm sure they'd like to take a look at my data."

He was absolutely prepared to blame the accident on Shockwave, but now that he can spin it to make him look as brilliant and impressive as possible, he'll be keeping that credit, thanks.

[towardspeace]

Megatron pushes a frustrated hand over his face, and sighs. "Maybe they would, but I don't think even Brainstorm would want it badly enough to hand his own discoveries over to a Starscream from a universe where the Decepticons are still at war."

[jetsplaining]

"Well, I'd like to hear what Brainstorm has to say about it for himself," Starscream says stubbornly. Brainstorm would surely be easier to outmaneuver, or at least manipulate. He'd certainly have more of a vested interest in it than Megatron. "I just want your research on space bridge theory, not your entire archives. Besides, as someone who's actually engineered a space bridge, I'm sure it would go much more quickly with my help."

He'd totally steal as much as he could from their archives given the chance, but he's willing to settle on what he thinks is a compromise for the sake of moving things along. But Megatron's comment nags at his attention and his eyes light up with curiosity, and while he doesn't quite smile, he does look insufferably smug.

"So there is a version of me here." He knew it!! He knew it. There's no way a universe that included both Megatron and Brainstorm in it could, like, not have himin it. "What's he like? Oh, wait -- don't tell me he's an Autobot too."

[towardspeace]

Megatron just kind of automatically grimaces. "No," he says, schooling his face into a more respectable scowl, "he isn't. He's a politician."

[jetsplaining]

Starscream looks absolutely fucking appalled. "What?" he bursts out. The politics of academia are bad enough, but actual politics? Ugh. This Megatron has proven to be more or less disappointing so far, but Starscream assumed that this universe's version of himself would actually be cool and impressive. "How did that happen? I mean, what kind of self-respecting Decepticon fights in a war started over politics, loses, and then turns around and dives back into the reason it all started in the first place?"

That is certainly not what Starscream envisions himself doing after the war. Then again, the Decepticons here did lose, and Megatron did join the Autobots. That had to be even more disappointing to this universe's Starscream. He squints up at Megatron. "He is a Decepticon, isn't he?"

[towardspeace]

"I think he's neutral now," says Megatron with obvious distaste, although, let's be real, that's not about the idea of being neutral, which is basically fine as far as he's concerned, it's just about Starscream. Fuck that guy. "He used to be a Decepticon, if that's what you mean. And as far as I can tell it was just the easiest way for someone whose main talents are lying and manipulating people to grab at some kind of power after the Decepticons disbanded."

[jetsplaining]

Starscream's gaze flattens. He assumes neutrality means something different here, what with the war being over, but admittedly he wasn't expecting...that response. He feels a little called out, frankly. No good liar -- and he does consider himself one, if maybe not in those exact words -- really likes being called out as such, but that's still a more vicious take than he was expecting.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't rolled over and let the Autobots walk all over you," he says bitingly, more than happy to assume that that's how that went down, because he'd like very much to blame this universe's Starscream's neutrality on Megatron, but it still doesn't...sit quite right with him, and it shows. He won't deny he wants power, to an extent, but mostly what that's meant for him is getting to do more exciting science, take more credit, and find a way to kick Strika out of Megatron's good graces so he can be second-in-command instead. But it sounds so bad when Megatron says it. And those are definitely not his main talents.

[towardspeace]

Megatron glares at him. "The war ended well before I joined the Autobots. I'm not proud of how long it took me to see reason," he says pointedly, "but Starscream made his postwar career decisions pretty quickly. Like a scraplet leaving a malfunctioning ship."

[jetsplaining]

The glare is sort of uncomfortably familiar, and Starscream shifts his weight, scowling back. Megatron might not actually be talking about him, but somehow he still feels a little stung by those words.

"Who'd want to stay on a sinking ship after the captain's already abandoned it?" he shoots back, his hands curling tightly around the edges of his datapad, but that's not even the most objectionable thing Megatron's said in the last thirty seconds. He's keeping track. "See reason? See reason? Maybe your war started differently, but my Megatron is trying to make everyone else see reason. The Autobots are just too stubborn to admit it."

[towardspeace]

"I just told you I hadn't--" He breaks off with an irritated huff and scowls straight ahead of him as Starscream starts evangelising.

"Let me guess. He's trying to overthrow Cybertron's oppressive government, but somehow his nice little rebel faction is getting a little more brutal and tyrannical than anybody thought it would?" He glances back at Starscream, eyes flashing. "How far along are you? Has he instated the Justice Division yet? Has he started making people call him Lord Megatron?"

[jetsplaining]

Starscream actually takes a half-step back, glaring back at Megatron. As self-interested as he may be, he does still consider himself pretty loyal to Megatron; after all, it's not like any of his personal aspirations actually conflict with that loyalty. (Yet.)

"Commander Megatron is not a tyrant," Starscream says with pointed emphasis, almost through his teeth, "and if there was a 'Justice Division', I think I'd have heard of it. We've already dismantled the Senate, for the most part -- we'd be well on our way to rebuilding Cybertron if the Autobots hadn't decided to interfere."

That's a...highly simplified version of events, but Starscream doesn't feel like giving him any more ammunition -- and what does he know about Starscream's own Decepticons, anyway? Nothing that Starscream hasn't already told him, which means that technically, Starscream can claim the upper hand here. Of course he almost completely ruins this advantage by muttering, "Granted, I think we'd be done with the Autobots already if he hadn't made it so personal with their leader..."

[towardspeace]

Megatron actually laughs. He's certain he knows what Starscream is talking about, and that interpersonal weakness is one he's much more capable of looking at with a self-critical eye than his whole sordid past and present with Starscream -- probably because he considers his embarrassing overblown rivalry with Optimus Prime to be squarely in his past at this point, whereas he absolutely still hates Starscream and considers his attitude towards him to be objective and reasonable.

"Oh, yes -- just get Optimus Prime out of the way and you'd already be constructing a Decepticon utopia. With your Commander Megatron at its head, of course, and any and all dissent crushed by whatever force he deems necessary, because he's right and anybody who disagrees with him just needs to see reason."

[jetsplaining]

It sets Starscream's teeth on edge that he laughs, and he glares daggers, or energon blasters, or...whatever in Megatron's direction, totally prepared to snap back with some haughty rebuttal, until that totally unfamiliar name draws him up short, and his expression shifts into of sheer bafflement.

"Optimus who? What are you talking about?" He side-eyes Megatron hard. "There hasn't been a Prime in -- megacycles, at least. Who the hell Optimus?"

[towardspeace]

That knocks Megatron right off his high horse. He blinks, and stares blankly at Starscream.

"Optimus Prime," he repeats. But, no, if there haven't been any Primes for that long, then maybe -- "Orion Pax?"

[jetsplaining]

Starscream might take a little more joy in Megatron's abject puzzlement if he hadn't almost immediately dropped a name Starscream does recognize (but he'll take a little joy in it anyway). His eyes lid and he huffs out a vent of air, crossing his arms again. If he's catching Megatron's drift right, and Orion is a Prime somehow in this universe -- ye gods, no wonder this Megatron is such a mess. He's kind of reluctant to concede the point that this Megatron's downfall might be the same for his own, though.

"Orion Pax," he says tartly, "isn't the leader of the Autobots. Elita One is."

[towardspeace]

"Who?" He doesn't recognise the name at all. "How--?"

[jetsplaining]

Every moment that Megatron looks so totally baffled makes Starscream feel just a little more vindicated, and even though he's still pretty annoyed, he does manage a small and irritatingly self-satisfied smirk.

"Elita One," he repeats, emphasizing the syllables as though Megatron is hard-of-hearing. "How have you not heard of her? She's been the leader of the Autobots almost from the start, ever since Alpha Trion appointed her -- right before he kicked it."

[towardspeace]

"I've never heard of her," says Megatron, frowning irritably. He's still perplexed, and he hates having shown it so much. "It sounds like your Autobots are a rather different institution."

[jetsplaining]

Starscream frowns, too, because up until this point they'd been able to agree on the who's who of their respective universes. "Perhaps," he says slowly, peering at Megatron with a more critical eye now. "I don't know how your Autobots formed, but in my universe, they rose up in direct opposition to our forces after the fall of the Senate. They're the ones who started this war, not us."

[towardspeace]

"Hmm," says Megatron. "Interesting." He still sounds annoyed, though, and he's not inclined to explain further about the history of the Autobots he knows. "And this Elita One... what kind of leader is she?"

[jetsplaining]

Starscream rolls his eyes. "Fearless! Noble! Steadfast!" he says mockingly, the words sounding like they've come straight off an Autobot recruitment poster. "She's not stupid, I'll give her that, and her second-in-command is a seasoned veteran from well before the war, and some of her scientific advisors are graduates of the most venerated institutions on Cybertron."

Does he sound bitter about that? Maybe just a tiny bit. "I hear she gives good speeches, and I'll grant that she seems to command a lot of loyalty from her troops. Absolutely unwilling to compromise, though." As though this isn't one of Megatron's own glaring character flaws. Starscream makes a face and flicks a probably imaginary speck of dirt from his shoulder. "I'm sure the fact that she's made it personal for Megatron doesn't help. I think it clouds his judgment on occasion, but sometimes he just won't listen."

He scowls. That's about as much criticism of his conjunx as he's willing to vocalize to this Megatron, but honestly, if Megatron would just listen to reason, then maybe he'd finally just drop a bomb on Iacon and end the whole thing, Orion Pax be damned.

[towardspeace]

Megatron snorts. Yeah, he bets he won't listen. "Made it personal," he repeats, considering. "How?"

[jetsplaining]

"By deciding to date Orion Pax," Starscream says with an incredibly long-suffering look. Ugh. He is so loath to actually mention Orion's name again, but they've already come up and he thinks Megatron could probably have guessed anyway. Actually, what he's the most reluctant to talk about is the fact that Megatron is so obviously not over Orion after all this time, despite his current relationship with Starscream. It's goddamn embarrassing. "She knew it'd get under Megatron's plating. I mean, honestly -- the leader of the Autobots picking up the ex-conjunx of the leader of the Decepticons? It's a classic power move. Honestly, if it weren't so irritating I might actually be impressed."

[towardspeace]

Megatron actually boggles a little.

"I'm sorry," he says, trying to wrap his processor around, firstly, the fact that Starscream seems to be describing soap opera drama but also, more absolutely bewilderingly -- "Did you say ex-conjunx."

[jetsplaining]

Starscream raises a robot eyebrow at Megatron. “His ex-conjunx socia, yes,” he says, as though the context should have been obvious. It has absolutely not occurred to him that that might not be a thing here. “Not that they ever even met in person until they broke up. But when you get down to it, an ex is still an ex, and the fact that Elita is willing to engage in psychological warfare on that level really speaks to her true moral character.”