[ sonia vorbarra: the bad end ]

[vorbratta]

ＳＯＮＩＡ ＶＯＲＢＡＲＲＡ: ＴＨＥ ＢＡＤ ＥＮＤ

➢  Sonia loses her son in the Massacre
➢  Mad Yuri's War goes on for two years, and her grief ferments into fury
➢  Sonia demands to participate in Yuri's death sentence; Ezar grants her the second cut
➢  But Yuri's death isn't enough to satisfy her anger and hurt -- she's furious that there was even a war over this, that the entire Council of Counts didn't immediately turn on Yuri for what he'd done
➢  Wash trains her in the art of revenge, and she takes a life on her own for the first time
➢  Sonia and Wash go rogue, hunting down every Vor lord and politician who supported Yuri during the Civil War, one by one, and Sonia begins to succumb to the seduction of violence
➢  Can't stop, won't stop, don't know how to stop, don't ever want to stop

Comments

[vorbratta]

"Wouldn't it?"

Her voice tears from her throat like it hurts to speak. It does. It hurts to breathe. And God, does it ever hurt to look at him. He had been her safe haven, once, her sanctuary away from the war and the grit and the crushing weight of it all. Someone she had turned to for comfort, and for all his claims otherwise, he was good for her. Now...now she doesn't know what he is for her now.

"You could have given us a warning. We could have been ready, and then -- " And then they could have waged war on Yuri for having even tried murdering his own family. Couldn't they? Barrayarans had gone to war over less. She curls her hands into fists to hide the shaking, feeling her nails bite into her palm. "You and Miles told me I had a grandson. How, Byerly? How is that possible?"

[vorrutyer]

"I...don't know." His eyes drop away again - this time not from guilt, not from shame, but from simple confusion. At the end of the day, it seems, his theory of time travel was right, and Miles' wrong. Not the same timeline, but different ones for everyone. And yet this seems like such a radical departure from how things were supposed to be...

"In my history, I believe it was only your husband who was killed. Not your son. Your son lived - longer."

[vorbratta]

A low, mournful wail escapes Sonia before she can bite it back. She muffles it with both hands to her mouth -- it feels like something is being dragged from her, inexorably and agonizingly, until there will be nothing left. Perhaps in another state, another life, she might find it in herself to be happy for the Sonia who got to keep her son, but that compassion has been burned away with every life she's taken.

"Then your silence bought me nothing." It comes out a spiteful, bitter hiss through the tears. She hurts, but this, too, will scar over. "It bought you nothing. Your honor was wasted, and now I have nothing."

[vorrutyer]

"Do you think I don't know?" He doesn't have any right to be defensive or outraged. It was his cowardice, his rigidity, his fragile sense of honor that brought them to this place. And what value was his honor, truly? The honor of a spy. A liar. A worthless fool to begin with. What was he even defending? It was like throwing away a pearl to save a lumpy little rock. And yet even so, his voice has an edge. Unfair. She deserves to be angry, more than he.

"I know just how wrong I was. I understand. I was a fool."

[vorbratta]

"You don't understand."

His anger only feeds into hers like wood to the flame -- even in resenting it, she consumes it, and everything else begins to burn away. It is so much easier to be angry than to despair, and Byerly makes himself a convenient target. A righteous target. She rakes her hair away from her face with both hands, her eyes burning down at him as she steps in close again. Her cheeks are still stained with tear tracks, but she isn't crying anymore. Byerly threw her badly off her game, unbalanced her, and even though he's still tied to that chair, she claws at regaining her sense of control. Control is all she has left.

"You know, Byerly, but you can't possibly understand what it's like to lose everything. To lose it to someone like him. If you did, you wouldn't be helping Ezar to try and stop me."

[vorrutyer]

"Ah. There, you're wrong."

He wishes his hands were free so he could rub at his face, rub away the tight hot feeling in his skin. So he could do anything to hide himself, so that he didn't have to sit open and exposed to her. But he can't. He's trapped.

"Even if I did know that grief - I'd still want to save you from this. My loyalty is to you above all others, you see, Sonia."

[vorbratta]

Part of Sonia revels in seeing Byerly laid so bare, when he's spent his life cloaking himself in layers, even from her. Power and control -- things she'd never had before, never really knew how much she wanted them until she felt utterly helpless. She stares down hard at him.

"Save me from what, Byerly?" She leans in, her hand curling over his shoulder. "Is your first loyalty really to me, or is it to Barrayar?"