[ she won't agree to that, not on her breath. not as long as she doesn't have to. so she just moves past it like so much water, hands still trembling fists at her sides, but she refuses to look away from his face. ]

You and I both know I don't know anything useful, Byerly. But I'll tell you what I do know.

[ and now the tide of anger and hurt rises in her again, threatening to break her composure, but she starts talking and she doesn't stop. she is so very, very close now, but she still doesn't touch him. some small part of her is afraid that she'll just hit him again if she does. ]

When you disappeared, I was worried you'd gotten yourself stupidly drunk and lost. When I was sick, I wondered why you didn't visit. And when I was better, I was afraid you were dead somewhere, of the cold or the flu or both. I looked for you. I made Miles help, because he knew the mountains better than I did. God, I was terrified. I thought you were dead. And then York and Ratchet came to camp, and...

[ and there she does falter, mouth open, throat working, but all that comes out is a hitched breath as tears well up in her eyes again. ]