[ she stops in her tracks, looking stricken. he might as well have delivered a blow to her chest. she has to blink back tears. dammit, she thought she'd cried herself out by now. ]

No! [ she can't control her outburst this time, her voice rising sharply. it echoes in the small room. ] No, I hated it! I hated myself, every minute of it! And I still do!

[ her breath catches and she stares at him hard, jaw tense. ]

Is that what you wanted? That I'd hate myself enough to want you again?

[ she never stopped, somehow, and she hates herself for that, too. it's impossible to forget the way he'd made her feel when he looked at her back then. ]